This topic is going to prove to be simple yet complicated, G-D. Where does one begin to discuss their belief in G-D? One of the topics discussed in my conversion class was the Jewish belief in G-D and through the course of the class we learned that it is all over the map, interestingly and confusingly but it is there. We also questioned why if G-D is so important to us why does no one talk about him (I am just going to use the word him but feel free to switch it to fit your belief). On my journey I am trying to learn what I believe and lose what was so ingrained into my mind growing up as a Christian.
My first belief and in my heart I think on of the most important things to me is G-D is kind and loving and forgiving. We were created in G-D’s image and that is essentially how I try to be in my life. Now mind you I would not want to make him angry just look at Sodom and Gomorrah but I believe that if you live your life to the best of your abilities and make the best decisions that you can all is good.
During that talk in the conversion class we were given some handouts with questions but I am not sure if it is a book or an article they were taken from but it is Close Encounters: Jewish Views about God by Ronald H. Isaacs. I think there are some great questions and I think that I am going to share my answers to some of them which will help me really find my beliefs or at least get me really thinking.
Have you ever felt G-D’s presence? What were the circumstances?
I will most definitely say that I have felt G-D’s presence and it was during the Yom Kippur service. I had a general idea what was happening but then as the prayers were recited in Hebrew and I was without my translations my mind wandered looking back over the past year and well all of my life. I have never felt such and exhilaration and such a calm as I did at that moment and the tears just started to flow. It was an amazing cathartic experience that I will always remember and cherish.
Do you ever take time to thank G-D for good things in your life?
This is tough but yes I do. It is always so easy to forget the good things and focus on the bad but when I go to bed at night I always try to thank G-D for the good things no matter how big or small. We receive so many gifts every day that I think it is selfish to take them for granted.
Do you have any proof that G-D really exists?
Yes with no doubt in my mind. As corny as it sounds from the sunrise/sunset, to the flowers, to everything I think we are reminded everyday that G-D exists. Another example at least in my mind a few years ago my mother who was my best friend passed away after fighting cancer and still to this day I tear up when she pops into my mind but instantly the sadness that I feel always turns into a few tears and a big smile because the sadness is replaced with many happy memories and thoughts and I know that is G-D because I would be a blubbering fool otherwise.
Another handout we got in class was a “G-D chart” with questions and theories. We talked about various theories and how they would answer certain questions. As I look back over that chart I am all over the place in my beliefs and some of them mesh together.
“Who or What is G-D?”
I believe that G-D is the creator, ultimate wisdom, and a partner. The first two answers are pretty self explanatory but partner you ask? I do not believe that G-D had predetermined our lives I think we have choices to make and those choices take us down paths. Good choice leads to good out comes but I do also believe that G-D will and does nudge us when we need it so that we make the right choice. I believe even if we make the wrong choice if we ask for forgiveness and don’t make the same bad choice over and over we will be forgiven.
“How can we know G-D?”
I am still really working on the answer to this for me personally but I know that prayer and mitvot are ways in which we can work to trying to know and understand G-D.
“What is G-D’s relationship to the people and the world?”
I think that we are held accountable for our actions. This idea to me feeds into my belief that we make our choices and are therefore held accountable for them so choose wisely.
“Does G-D want something from the world?”
He wants us to perform the mitzvot he has given us and I truly believe he wants to have a relationship with us and us with each other.
“Why is there evil?”
This is simple, because we are human. I don’t think earthquakes and other natural disasters are punishment. I think the things that happen that are evil are human beings doing horrible things to other humans. I think as we discussed there is a balance that needs to be achieved and by having faith in G-D and doing his mitzvot we are swinging the scale to the side of good.
G-D is a very complicated topic because each and every person will have his or her own beliefs and ideas, some you may not agree with but they are not wrong. I am all over the place in my beliefs and I know that as my journey continues that it will shift and get refined some more but my core belief is that G-D is with us all no matter what and by doing the mitzvot we were commanded to do we are honoring G-D and sanctifying his name.
After the class on G-D I met with my Rabbi sponsor and we talked about it. She asked me what I believed and I told her that I believe that G-D does not have our lives predetermined and we are in control of them. I do however believe that G-D will nudge is in the proper direction but whether we take the nudge or not is up to us. She then asked me if I thought G-D had nudged me into converting and I was stumped. After some thought I would have to say that yes I do believe I was nudged into conversion by G-D. This may have been the first time or the one hundredth but for what ever reason this is the time that I am ready and it is meant to be.
I have made it a rule of mine to never talk politics or religion but as I continue to learn I am enjoying discussions of religion. I will be happy to discuss with anyone but not fight or argue or debate because you will not change my mind and I won’t change yours. G-D is what you need him to be and what you want him to be but just make sure you have him in your life and make the best decisions you can.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Saddnes
I can not even begin to describe the emotions that I have been feeling this week after the horrible events that took place in Toulouse, France. Those lives lost only because of the hatred of one person. I have not been able to stop reading about it in the news trying to find out what I can. To me this is one of those events in your life "where were you when...."
I received an email from a friend that was written by Mrs. Chava Sandler, the wife of the murdered Rabbi and mother of two of the children. I can only say that I am amazed that after all that tragedy she so eloquently asked each and every one of us to kiss our children and to light our sabbath candles not only this Friday but every Friday but for this week to light them earlier than normal because the world needs a little more holy this week. I just read that and cried. At this point it seems there are not enough good deeds to be done to counter balance the horrible evil things that happened in Toulouse and that happen all over the world.
I was surprised, for the lack of a better word, to hear the bodies were all flown to Israel and buried outside of Jerusalem. I can not think of a more wonderful place for them to be buried and remembered. I hope that one day soon I will be able to go visit their graves, say a prayer, and leave a stone so the world will know that they will not be forgotten. Their lives although some were cut way to short will be remembered and celebrated.
My thoughts and prayers are with the survivors who have to try to put the pieces of their lives back together. May your G-D, your family and friends help you find the strength to carry on and just know that even as attention moves to the next tragedy you will always be in my prayers.
I received an email from a friend that was written by Mrs. Chava Sandler, the wife of the murdered Rabbi and mother of two of the children. I can only say that I am amazed that after all that tragedy she so eloquently asked each and every one of us to kiss our children and to light our sabbath candles not only this Friday but every Friday but for this week to light them earlier than normal because the world needs a little more holy this week. I just read that and cried. At this point it seems there are not enough good deeds to be done to counter balance the horrible evil things that happened in Toulouse and that happen all over the world.
I was surprised, for the lack of a better word, to hear the bodies were all flown to Israel and buried outside of Jerusalem. I can not think of a more wonderful place for them to be buried and remembered. I hope that one day soon I will be able to go visit their graves, say a prayer, and leave a stone so the world will know that they will not be forgotten. Their lives although some were cut way to short will be remembered and celebrated.
My thoughts and prayers are with the survivors who have to try to put the pieces of their lives back together. May your G-D, your family and friends help you find the strength to carry on and just know that even as attention moves to the next tragedy you will always be in my prayers.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Associations
Associations
My journey is continuing and the first part is rapidly coming close to the end but the learning can’t stop there and it won’t. For the month of March the topic for discussion is associations to synagogue, rabbi, and to organized religion in general.
To start the discussion on this topic I am going to go back to childhood when I was Christian. I was raised Reorganized Latter Day Saint, now the Community of Christ, and did all the things I was supposed to do, baptized, confirmation, Sunday school, etc. I remember week after week having the pastor stand up and lecture us. I never bought into the whole scenario and never felt like it was doing anything for me so I just went through the motions like I was supposed to. The church first and foremost was a business and then a spiritual guide for the lack of a better description. As a young adult and an adult you could very easily say I was jaded and not religious at all but I did maintain my belief in G-D.
Now my journey and where I am at now. To say a lot has changed within me would be a total understatement.
My association to my synagogue. I love my synagogue, it is my refuge after a long week of work. I find peace and community there every Friday night at Shabbat services. It is the perfect way to end the week and bring in Shabbat. I feel welcome when I am there. I feel like a part of a community. I feel that learning, worshiping together, and just being together are the most important part of the synagogue. Most importantly to me I feel like I am home. I was welcomed even before I started my journey. It is the backbone on my journey and without it I know it would not be as meaningful and I would not be getting out of my conversion what I needed to for me.
My association to my rabbi. Rabbi to me is a teacher, a friend, a confidant and a spiritual adviser. I feel as if I have a great relationship with my sponsoring rabbi. I have learned so much from our talks and just observing. I look forward to our monthly meetings to chat, ask questions, get some answers, and she can listen to me babble on. My one regret is that my decision to convert came during her last year. I would have enjoyed and learned a lot from her about Torah and Tikun Olam. I know I could go to her with any problem and have a friend to talk to and someone to give advice or help me to look in the right place to find my answer. She wouldn’t give it to me she would make me look for it. I think that is one quality I admire most in my rabbi, she is always willing to help but she will not do it for me but instead will help me find it on my own. New relationships with my rabbi will have to be forged but I am all right with that.
My association to institutionalized religion. A year ago I would have said institutionalized religion equaled business, now not so much. So far on my journey I would have to say that in Judaism institutionalized religion equals learning and community. I realize that is a broad sweeping statement but from where I stand and what I have seen the business aspect takes a back seat to teaching and learning and being a community. I want to go to services and learn and be engaged and that is what I get and that is why I am choosing to be Jewish.
My journey is continuing and the first part is rapidly coming close to the end but the learning can’t stop there and it won’t. For the month of March the topic for discussion is associations to synagogue, rabbi, and to organized religion in general.
To start the discussion on this topic I am going to go back to childhood when I was Christian. I was raised Reorganized Latter Day Saint, now the Community of Christ, and did all the things I was supposed to do, baptized, confirmation, Sunday school, etc. I remember week after week having the pastor stand up and lecture us. I never bought into the whole scenario and never felt like it was doing anything for me so I just went through the motions like I was supposed to. The church first and foremost was a business and then a spiritual guide for the lack of a better description. As a young adult and an adult you could very easily say I was jaded and not religious at all but I did maintain my belief in G-D.
Now my journey and where I am at now. To say a lot has changed within me would be a total understatement.
My association to my synagogue. I love my synagogue, it is my refuge after a long week of work. I find peace and community there every Friday night at Shabbat services. It is the perfect way to end the week and bring in Shabbat. I feel welcome when I am there. I feel like a part of a community. I feel that learning, worshiping together, and just being together are the most important part of the synagogue. Most importantly to me I feel like I am home. I was welcomed even before I started my journey. It is the backbone on my journey and without it I know it would not be as meaningful and I would not be getting out of my conversion what I needed to for me.
My association to my rabbi. Rabbi to me is a teacher, a friend, a confidant and a spiritual adviser. I feel as if I have a great relationship with my sponsoring rabbi. I have learned so much from our talks and just observing. I look forward to our monthly meetings to chat, ask questions, get some answers, and she can listen to me babble on. My one regret is that my decision to convert came during her last year. I would have enjoyed and learned a lot from her about Torah and Tikun Olam. I know I could go to her with any problem and have a friend to talk to and someone to give advice or help me to look in the right place to find my answer. She wouldn’t give it to me she would make me look for it. I think that is one quality I admire most in my rabbi, she is always willing to help but she will not do it for me but instead will help me find it on my own. New relationships with my rabbi will have to be forged but I am all right with that.
My association to institutionalized religion. A year ago I would have said institutionalized religion equaled business, now not so much. So far on my journey I would have to say that in Judaism institutionalized religion equals learning and community. I realize that is a broad sweeping statement but from where I stand and what I have seen the business aspect takes a back seat to teaching and learning and being a community. I want to go to services and learn and be engaged and that is what I get and that is why I am choosing to be Jewish.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Purim!
Purim!
Lets start off with “We’re so happy happy happy its Adar!” I could not resist that but it is a wonderful time indeed because it means it is Purim.
I am not sure if I would say that Purim is my favorite holiday but it is definitely in a close toss up with Chanukah. Last year I was a bit taken aback by the antics that go on during the reading of the Megillah Esther with the booing of “him” and the cheering for Ester and Mordecai and the drinking! It was fun and again so was this year and I think even more fun because I have learned so much on my journey and it made this one very meaningful to me.
We are commanded to have a festive meal. We are commanded to listen to the Megillah Esther twice. We are commanded to give charity to the poor. We are commanded to give two prepared food items to friends. We are supposed to basically eat and drink, learn and remember, help those less fortunate than us, and to share food gifts with friends and family. I don’t know how you could not love this holiday.
So how did I spend my Purim? I started on the Sunday before by going over to a friends house to make the ever wonderful hamantaschen for Purim. We made hundreds of them but was fun as always but of course you have to eat your weight in them.
I went to synagogue for the reading of the Megillah Esther and was quite touched by it and I am not sure why. As the readers were reading their portions I was just over taken by a sense of pride (not sure if that is the best way to describe it) that these Jews overcame being destroyed once again because two people stood up for what is right. The one thing that I have learned is that as Jews we were all there so to speak so we relive the event so that we can remember the event. Esther and Mordecai are definitely the heroes in this story. It was amazing to hear the story again and take so much more from it and how we can do the same thing today just by standing up for what is right. I found it very inspiring to say the least but I have always had a soft spot for the underdog.
My acts of charity we a little different. I decided to give money to two different organizations that do wonderful things. Unfortunately it was not anonymous but I did it online but I feel very strongly about them both so in my opinion that is going to trump being anonymous and I gave because I wanted to.
One of the aspects of Purim is the notion that things are not what they seem. Esther hid the fact that she was a Jew. I did not wear a costume this year because I went straight from work and didn’t have time to change. Now that I am becoming a little more comfortable in my new Jewish skin and with the Jewish calendar I need to look ahead and start thinking of my costume for next year. I am sure I can come up with something fun.
On this journey that I am taking it never ceases to amaze me at how much there is to learn and how your mindset can influence what you learn. My first Purim, like I said, I was surprised and this year I learned from the reading and I had a really good time as well which has me looking forward to next year. We will see what I learn next year.
Happy Purim to everyone and remember things are not always what they seem so keep an open mind and heart and stand up for what is right, that is what Purim is to me!
Lets start off with “We’re so happy happy happy its Adar!” I could not resist that but it is a wonderful time indeed because it means it is Purim.
I am not sure if I would say that Purim is my favorite holiday but it is definitely in a close toss up with Chanukah. Last year I was a bit taken aback by the antics that go on during the reading of the Megillah Esther with the booing of “him” and the cheering for Ester and Mordecai and the drinking! It was fun and again so was this year and I think even more fun because I have learned so much on my journey and it made this one very meaningful to me.
We are commanded to have a festive meal. We are commanded to listen to the Megillah Esther twice. We are commanded to give charity to the poor. We are commanded to give two prepared food items to friends. We are supposed to basically eat and drink, learn and remember, help those less fortunate than us, and to share food gifts with friends and family. I don’t know how you could not love this holiday.
So how did I spend my Purim? I started on the Sunday before by going over to a friends house to make the ever wonderful hamantaschen for Purim. We made hundreds of them but was fun as always but of course you have to eat your weight in them.
I went to synagogue for the reading of the Megillah Esther and was quite touched by it and I am not sure why. As the readers were reading their portions I was just over taken by a sense of pride (not sure if that is the best way to describe it) that these Jews overcame being destroyed once again because two people stood up for what is right. The one thing that I have learned is that as Jews we were all there so to speak so we relive the event so that we can remember the event. Esther and Mordecai are definitely the heroes in this story. It was amazing to hear the story again and take so much more from it and how we can do the same thing today just by standing up for what is right. I found it very inspiring to say the least but I have always had a soft spot for the underdog.
My acts of charity we a little different. I decided to give money to two different organizations that do wonderful things. Unfortunately it was not anonymous but I did it online but I feel very strongly about them both so in my opinion that is going to trump being anonymous and I gave because I wanted to.
One of the aspects of Purim is the notion that things are not what they seem. Esther hid the fact that she was a Jew. I did not wear a costume this year because I went straight from work and didn’t have time to change. Now that I am becoming a little more comfortable in my new Jewish skin and with the Jewish calendar I need to look ahead and start thinking of my costume for next year. I am sure I can come up with something fun.
On this journey that I am taking it never ceases to amaze me at how much there is to learn and how your mindset can influence what you learn. My first Purim, like I said, I was surprised and this year I learned from the reading and I had a really good time as well which has me looking forward to next year. We will see what I learn next year.
Happy Purim to everyone and remember things are not always what they seem so keep an open mind and heart and stand up for what is right, that is what Purim is to me!
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