Well as summer is winding down I am now sitting here and thinking "Now What?".
I am in a strange spot and I am not sure what to do about it. I have enough knowledge to follow services and know what I am supposed to do but that is about it. Conversion class taught us a lot of information, in generalities but I want more but I am not sure where to go. I feel like I dont belong anywhere, not in a bad way, but just I am not sure what is next.
A good friend of mine told me that when I went to the mikvah I gained my Jewish soul, one that has been waiting for me my whole life, nudging me and nagging me to convert so that we could be one. It seems kind of out there at first but the more I think about it the more it makes sense. My soul is hungry for knowledge but for what I am not sure. I find kabalah very interesting but where to go to find a source that will challenge me but not frustrate me with my lack of knowledge.
I thought joining the adult education committee for my synagogue would be a great outlet for me but after the first meeting I was so over whelmed that I stepped down. It was not anything anyone did or said, I just feel at this point I have nothing to contribute and that saddens me greatly. At my bar mitzvah I talked about me being the only Jew in my family and it was up to me to leave my Jewish legacy behind and I got nothing.
I am back out in the wilderness wandering lost looking for what it is I need to be doing and I know I will find it but I just hope it is soon because this feeling is very frustrating to me. There is so much information out there but how do you know if it is good, correct, etc. I need a Jewish 201 class STAT!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Maimonides' tzedakah lader
This is a blog about something very important to me and something that should be important to not only every Jew but to everyone! Tzedakah which come from the Hebrew root for justice but has turned into meaning charity. Maimonides has a tzedakah ladder and we are going to work from that beginning with the lowest level as he saw it.
Give only grudgingly. This one is pretty self explanatory really, you give because you feel you have to. This is the lowest rung on the ladder because the giver is only doing it because he feels that he has to give. One example I encounter very often are the homeless people begging for money in the area I work in. It is very hard by the shear numbers to give to them all and there are many that own houses and just do it for their job. This is the kind of action that I think makes many people bitter on giving because you really have no idea what your money will be used for. This really should not deter you from giving. I carry change in my pocket and give it daily till I run out for the day this way I am not out a lot of money not knowing where it is going. There have been days when I have bought lunch for someone instead of giving them money. I think this being the lowest level is actually one of the hardest to do and to not let it make you jaded.
Give willingly, but less than is appropriate. This shows that you want to give but you are not giving as much as you should be. I am not sure what the appropriate amount of giving is but they say give till it hurts. I honestly think that you can only be the judge of what is appropriate. If you make a lot of money you should give more but if you give money to lots of people then each would get less.
Give only after being asked. The giving is good but you should not have to be asked for money or help. You should be willing and able to step in and help others in what ever way then need. Do not be selfish with your money or your time.
Give before being asked. This is where it really starts to get good in my opinion. It truly shows that you want to honor the mitzvot not because you have to but because you want to. I do not think that tzedakah has to be money but it can also be time. Help someone with bags or heavy items don’t wait for them to ask just do it!
The next three in my opinion are the easiest to do!
Give so that the donor doesn’t know who the recipient is. How easy is this. Go to the grocery store and put some extra food in your cart and put it in the barrels for local food banks. It is so easy to give to a food bank or any organization and not know who the official recipient will be and it is a great feeling knowing that you are helping someone and they don’t have to feel indebted to you for your help. One of my favorite things to do is to give what is left of my paycheck when I get my next paycheck to my favorite organizations online. The organization gets the money to help but the recipients have no idea where it came from. It is so easy to do and I can not help but smile when I hit the donate now button.
Give so that the recipient doesn’t know who the donor is. Blind giving at its best. I always want to help in any way that I can but sometimes it gets difficult not to hurt feelings or make someone feel bad. So give from your heart and give so that it can not be traced back to you. Give cash, give to a food pantry, give to charity but always check the box anonymous if there is that option. Again no one will feel indebted to you for the gift and your mitzvah is held in higher esteem for the unselfish act.
Give so that neither donor nor recipient knows the identity of the other. Total anonymity! How can you go wrong don’t expect a thank you note but how better to help and honor from your heart than giving and expecting nothing in response. Give the money for a library and don’t put your name on the building, give a book to a library and don’t put your name in the book. Give to charity and don’t take the gift for giving “this” much money. Give because it is something that you believe in and something you want to do.
Help the recipient to rehabilitate themselves. This one is very difficult I think to not hurt feelings. It has to be approached from a good place but I think this would be the most rewarding gift to give. It was explained to be like this, if someone is hungry you can give them a fish or you can give them a fishing pole and teach them how to fish. Teach them a life skill so they can take care of themselves and their families. It is the ultimate sacrifice for the donor and receiver because both parties will have to check their egos and be open to giving. I think this would be an amazing gift to give someone and if I am lucky I would hope to be able to do this one day, not sure what my skill would be but I will figure it out.
Maimonides had it right when he came up with this ladder. I think it is a great guide to tzedakah and we could all use a refresher course in that. Give because you want to give not because you feel you have to give. I am sure in some way or another each and everyone of you have been on the receiving end of tzedakah at some point so now is your chance to refresh your beliefs and pay it forward with money, time, teaching a skill. Just remember the honor of doing mitzvot and get out there and just do it.
Give only grudgingly. This one is pretty self explanatory really, you give because you feel you have to. This is the lowest rung on the ladder because the giver is only doing it because he feels that he has to give. One example I encounter very often are the homeless people begging for money in the area I work in. It is very hard by the shear numbers to give to them all and there are many that own houses and just do it for their job. This is the kind of action that I think makes many people bitter on giving because you really have no idea what your money will be used for. This really should not deter you from giving. I carry change in my pocket and give it daily till I run out for the day this way I am not out a lot of money not knowing where it is going. There have been days when I have bought lunch for someone instead of giving them money. I think this being the lowest level is actually one of the hardest to do and to not let it make you jaded.
Give willingly, but less than is appropriate. This shows that you want to give but you are not giving as much as you should be. I am not sure what the appropriate amount of giving is but they say give till it hurts. I honestly think that you can only be the judge of what is appropriate. If you make a lot of money you should give more but if you give money to lots of people then each would get less.
Give only after being asked. The giving is good but you should not have to be asked for money or help. You should be willing and able to step in and help others in what ever way then need. Do not be selfish with your money or your time.
Give before being asked. This is where it really starts to get good in my opinion. It truly shows that you want to honor the mitzvot not because you have to but because you want to. I do not think that tzedakah has to be money but it can also be time. Help someone with bags or heavy items don’t wait for them to ask just do it!
The next three in my opinion are the easiest to do!
Give so that the donor doesn’t know who the recipient is. How easy is this. Go to the grocery store and put some extra food in your cart and put it in the barrels for local food banks. It is so easy to give to a food bank or any organization and not know who the official recipient will be and it is a great feeling knowing that you are helping someone and they don’t have to feel indebted to you for your help. One of my favorite things to do is to give what is left of my paycheck when I get my next paycheck to my favorite organizations online. The organization gets the money to help but the recipients have no idea where it came from. It is so easy to do and I can not help but smile when I hit the donate now button.
Give so that the recipient doesn’t know who the donor is. Blind giving at its best. I always want to help in any way that I can but sometimes it gets difficult not to hurt feelings or make someone feel bad. So give from your heart and give so that it can not be traced back to you. Give cash, give to a food pantry, give to charity but always check the box anonymous if there is that option. Again no one will feel indebted to you for the gift and your mitzvah is held in higher esteem for the unselfish act.
Give so that neither donor nor recipient knows the identity of the other. Total anonymity! How can you go wrong don’t expect a thank you note but how better to help and honor from your heart than giving and expecting nothing in response. Give the money for a library and don’t put your name on the building, give a book to a library and don’t put your name in the book. Give to charity and don’t take the gift for giving “this” much money. Give because it is something that you believe in and something you want to do.
Help the recipient to rehabilitate themselves. This one is very difficult I think to not hurt feelings. It has to be approached from a good place but I think this would be the most rewarding gift to give. It was explained to be like this, if someone is hungry you can give them a fish or you can give them a fishing pole and teach them how to fish. Teach them a life skill so they can take care of themselves and their families. It is the ultimate sacrifice for the donor and receiver because both parties will have to check their egos and be open to giving. I think this would be an amazing gift to give someone and if I am lucky I would hope to be able to do this one day, not sure what my skill would be but I will figure it out.
Maimonides had it right when he came up with this ladder. I think it is a great guide to tzedakah and we could all use a refresher course in that. Give because you want to give not because you feel you have to give. I am sure in some way or another each and everyone of you have been on the receiving end of tzedakah at some point so now is your chance to refresh your beliefs and pay it forward with money, time, teaching a skill. Just remember the honor of doing mitzvot and get out there and just do it.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Mikvah
Well this morning was the final aspect of my conversion, the mikvah. It is not a requirement for a reform conversion so technically I was Jewish but it is a requirement of my sponsoring Rabbi. Today was really not a big deal from one aspect it was just finishing up.
The mikvah is used for ritual purity. I wish that the mikvah was open when I had my conversion because I think it would have had more meaning for me after the beit den and being declared a Jew to then finish in the mikvah. Things don't always work out that way but it is all good.
I can say now that except for three entries I still have to write for my rabbi the actual process of conversion is finished for me. Now to just enjoy the new aspect of my life, live like a Jew and never stop learning and helping. I think that is the best blessing anyone could ever want. Now my blog will turn from my process of conversion to what i am doing in my life to live like a Jew and then onto my aliyah process for my move to Israel. It is going to be busy and stressful few years winding everything down here and preparing to get on a plane and start a completely new life. It will be wonderful to fulfill my life long dream of moving to Israel even though I didnt know it was my dream until my first visit there in 2011.
The mikvah is used for ritual purity. I wish that the mikvah was open when I had my conversion because I think it would have had more meaning for me after the beit den and being declared a Jew to then finish in the mikvah. Things don't always work out that way but it is all good.
I can say now that except for three entries I still have to write for my rabbi the actual process of conversion is finished for me. Now to just enjoy the new aspect of my life, live like a Jew and never stop learning and helping. I think that is the best blessing anyone could ever want. Now my blog will turn from my process of conversion to what i am doing in my life to live like a Jew and then onto my aliyah process for my move to Israel. It is going to be busy and stressful few years winding everything down here and preparing to get on a plane and start a completely new life. It will be wonderful to fulfill my life long dream of moving to Israel even though I didnt know it was my dream until my first visit there in 2011.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Lifecycle
To gain a better understanding I can not think of a better way than to start at birth and go to death in the life of a Jew, looking at all the major things that happen. Lets start with me as if I was born Jewish.
I was born September 26, 1967. On that day my birth certificate would have been filled out leaving my name blank until my brit milah. My brit milah or bris would take place on the eighth day after my birth or October 4, 1967. Medical issues are the only reason that a bris may be put off. There would be a meal after my bris and my name would be announced.
I would start Hebrew school depending on the community that I lived in. Either at a day school or at a synagogue religious school.
I would have my bar mitzvah when I turned thirteen years old, after September 26, 1980. At this point I would be considered an adult and be responsible for my actions and for following the 613 laws of the Torah. I would be able to read from the Torah, be part of a minion, and testify in Jewish court. I was thirty-one years past my bar mitzvah but it was truly a very powerful day for me and as I talk about it with friends I highly recommend that anyone that has not had a bar or bat mitzvah they should talk with their Rabbi and get one scheduled on the books. It was the most amazing experience of working and learning and then to be able to go up and read from the Torah.
Marriage would be performed by my rabbi under the chuppa. There would be a ketubah, or the written contract for the marriage. There are differing thoughts on inter faith marriages that would have to be dealt with. Orthodox would not even entertain the thought of one. While conservative would want the non Jew welcomed into the home and hopefully prompting conversion and reform would in theory be alright with the marriage, depending on the rabbi. There would be insistence that children would be raised Jewish.
Children would obviously be raised Jewish. The cycle would then start for them with a bris and naming for a boy or naming for a girl on their eighth day.
Death is not sugar coated in Judaism. Death is part of the life cycle and there are important rituals that go along with it. There is the cleaning of the body, the funeral and shoveling dirt on the coffin which is considered a very important mitzvah and then Shiva. Seven days of mourning to reflect back on the dead. There are many aspects of death that I wish I had known about when my mother died. Personally Shiva would have been such a good process for me but instead I kept my pain bottled up and although I dealt with the emotions it was a much longer journey than I think it would have been.
I was born September 26, 1967. On that day my birth certificate would have been filled out leaving my name blank until my brit milah. My brit milah or bris would take place on the eighth day after my birth or October 4, 1967. Medical issues are the only reason that a bris may be put off. There would be a meal after my bris and my name would be announced.
I would start Hebrew school depending on the community that I lived in. Either at a day school or at a synagogue religious school.
I would have my bar mitzvah when I turned thirteen years old, after September 26, 1980. At this point I would be considered an adult and be responsible for my actions and for following the 613 laws of the Torah. I would be able to read from the Torah, be part of a minion, and testify in Jewish court. I was thirty-one years past my bar mitzvah but it was truly a very powerful day for me and as I talk about it with friends I highly recommend that anyone that has not had a bar or bat mitzvah they should talk with their Rabbi and get one scheduled on the books. It was the most amazing experience of working and learning and then to be able to go up and read from the Torah.
Marriage would be performed by my rabbi under the chuppa. There would be a ketubah, or the written contract for the marriage. There are differing thoughts on inter faith marriages that would have to be dealt with. Orthodox would not even entertain the thought of one. While conservative would want the non Jew welcomed into the home and hopefully prompting conversion and reform would in theory be alright with the marriage, depending on the rabbi. There would be insistence that children would be raised Jewish.
Children would obviously be raised Jewish. The cycle would then start for them with a bris and naming for a boy or naming for a girl on their eighth day.
Death is not sugar coated in Judaism. Death is part of the life cycle and there are important rituals that go along with it. There is the cleaning of the body, the funeral and shoveling dirt on the coffin which is considered a very important mitzvah and then Shiva. Seven days of mourning to reflect back on the dead. There are many aspects of death that I wish I had known about when my mother died. Personally Shiva would have been such a good process for me but instead I kept my pain bottled up and although I dealt with the emotions it was a much longer journey than I think it would have been.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Goodbyes
Goodbyes are just horrible. This past Friday night we had a service to honor one of our Rabbi's that is leaving. It was such a moving service and I do not think there was a dry eye in the house. She will be missed, she has done so much for the congregation and for me.
There are never going to be enough thank yous that I can give her. Except for my partner, she was the first friendly face for me at synagogue. She supported me when I hit bumps in the road and she was there celebrating with me on the successes. I know that conversion would have happened for me with or without her as my sponsor but I do not think I would have become the Jew I am and am going to be without her. I also do not think that without her as my sponsor I would have done my bar mitzvah.
She has also inspired me to keep learning, to keep growing, to keep giving back and that is what I am going to do in the next part of my journey.
So Rabbi Harris mazel tov to you! I know that great things are ahead for you but I will miss you and our chats but only the best for you in the next step of your journey. Keep checking my blog as I finish my assignments and update the world on my journey and like we discussed share it with anyone you want and let me know if I can help anyone so I can pay your kindness toward me forward.
There are never going to be enough thank yous that I can give her. Except for my partner, she was the first friendly face for me at synagogue. She supported me when I hit bumps in the road and she was there celebrating with me on the successes. I know that conversion would have happened for me with or without her as my sponsor but I do not think I would have become the Jew I am and am going to be without her. I also do not think that without her as my sponsor I would have done my bar mitzvah.
She has also inspired me to keep learning, to keep growing, to keep giving back and that is what I am going to do in the next part of my journey.
So Rabbi Harris mazel tov to you! I know that great things are ahead for you but I will miss you and our chats but only the best for you in the next step of your journey. Keep checking my blog as I finish my assignments and update the world on my journey and like we discussed share it with anyone you want and let me know if I can help anyone so I can pay your kindness toward me forward.
The bar mitzvah
I can not even begin to describe how I felt the day of my bar mitzvah. My nerves were on high alert but I was as ready as I was going to be. I had been practicing so I was very comfortable with my parts and my Torah portion so it was up to me with the help of G-D.
I was honored that I got to lead the congregation, and did I mention it was a full house for us, in the Shema and "And You Shall Love". Those are two of my favorite prayers and then I read my speech. I had read it so many times out loud and practiced but now I was reading it for the first time in front of the whole congregation and the people that it was about. Yes, I was fighting back tears and had to pause a couple times to catch my breath but I did it. I spoke of my journey and more importantly I spoke from my heart. When I was finished and I walked of the bima I did not think I could be any more elated and I was wrong.
As a class we marched with the Torah around the sanctuary and so many people hugged me or thanked me for my speech. I was amazed that I had touched so many people and was honored they were there for my big day. Then came my turn to read from the Torah and I was ready. It was the most amazing thing to know that nine months ago I could not read Hebrew and now I am honored with reading from the Torah, not just a copy, I am reading from an actual Torah scroll. It was such a humbling and amazing honor and I am a better person for doing it.
The amazing part is that it was Erev Shavuoat so I was reading from the Torah the day before the holiday that celebrates the Jewish people receiving the Torah. I was at Sinai and that day I was receiving Torah. I am truly very lucky to have all the love and support that I do and for that I will be a better Jew.
I was honored that I got to lead the congregation, and did I mention it was a full house for us, in the Shema and "And You Shall Love". Those are two of my favorite prayers and then I read my speech. I had read it so many times out loud and practiced but now I was reading it for the first time in front of the whole congregation and the people that it was about. Yes, I was fighting back tears and had to pause a couple times to catch my breath but I did it. I spoke of my journey and more importantly I spoke from my heart. When I was finished and I walked of the bima I did not think I could be any more elated and I was wrong.
As a class we marched with the Torah around the sanctuary and so many people hugged me or thanked me for my speech. I was amazed that I had touched so many people and was honored they were there for my big day. Then came my turn to read from the Torah and I was ready. It was the most amazing thing to know that nine months ago I could not read Hebrew and now I am honored with reading from the Torah, not just a copy, I am reading from an actual Torah scroll. It was such a humbling and amazing honor and I am a better person for doing it.
The amazing part is that it was Erev Shavuoat so I was reading from the Torah the day before the holiday that celebrates the Jewish people receiving the Torah. I was at Sinai and that day I was receiving Torah. I am truly very lucky to have all the love and support that I do and for that I will be a better Jew.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
My journey!
Well it is official, I am now officially Jewish. I had my beit din today and I will admit that I was a nervous wreck. I was ready for it but still, my fate so to speak laid in the hands of three people. The whole time I was in with them my hands were shaking and I had to fight back tears at times. There were so many things I wanted to say but thought about after the fact. One question that was asked was basically what am I going to do to leave my mark on the Jewish world? I talked about paying it forward with help and kindness and knowledge but I forgot to talk about the program I want to start with the next conversion class for mentors to help them out if they need it. I still plan on working to implement that but I was so nervous I forgot.
After they came back with a yes I was so relieved, excited and kind of in shock. We went into the sanctuary for a ceremony where I held a torah for the first time and was given my Hebrew name which I picked out, David Shi (Shi is in honor of my mother whose name was Shy Anne). I just started crying wishing she could be there with me in person but I know she was there with me.
I then had my bar mitzvah practice. I know crazy right? I didnt need to do it but after some wonderful words it really inspired me and I want to do it. So since I cant thank them in my speech at my bar mitzvah I want to thank Rabbi Harris and Rabbi Levin for all the help and support even if you didn't know you were doing it.
I still have more on my journey indeed, because as a wise Rabbi told me everything up to my decision to convert was part one of my journey, well I just finished part two (well I have a few assignments to finish up) and then to decide what part three will bring.
After they came back with a yes I was so relieved, excited and kind of in shock. We went into the sanctuary for a ceremony where I held a torah for the first time and was given my Hebrew name which I picked out, David Shi (Shi is in honor of my mother whose name was Shy Anne). I just started crying wishing she could be there with me in person but I know she was there with me.
I then had my bar mitzvah practice. I know crazy right? I didnt need to do it but after some wonderful words it really inspired me and I want to do it. So since I cant thank them in my speech at my bar mitzvah I want to thank Rabbi Harris and Rabbi Levin for all the help and support even if you didn't know you were doing it.
I still have more on my journey indeed, because as a wise Rabbi told me everything up to my decision to convert was part one of my journey, well I just finished part two (well I have a few assignments to finish up) and then to decide what part three will bring.
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