One piece of my journey on the way to becoming a Jew is to write a journal and discuss some specific questions to see how I am progressing and what I am learning. So for the month of November there are the five questions.
Question One: To the best of my knowledge, Judaism is many things. In the most simple of answers Judaism is a religion. To me it is so much more than an organized religion. Judaism is constant soul searching making sure you are doing the right thing in Gods eye. It is being a part of a community whether it is the synagogue you belong to or a group of friends or your family or a bigger community of Israel. I was not born jewish so I don’t have my family to fall back on but I have all of my friends that are and will be a great support and learning tool for me on my journey. As far as my community of synagogue I am not a member but I feel very at home and look forward to going to services and find the Friday night Shabbat service the perfect way to end the work week and prepare for Shabbat.
Question Two: To the best of my knowledge God is my judge and my role model. I will ultimately be judged by God on my actions in my life. Every year on Yom Kippur one hopes that they have lived a good life and done the right thing so they are inscribed into the book of life for another year. So each year we are judged by God on our actions. God would also be a role model from the stand point that God gave us the torah with the lessons on how to live our lives and although we can never be perfect we should strive to be like God in the choices that we make.
Question Three: At this time, I find the following the most attractive or most appealing about Judaism. One thing that I find appealing is the fact that when I go to Shabbat services I am taught the torah, the sermons are about how to live the torah. I am there to learn to be uplifted to be rejuvenated. Being raised a christian and going to church on Sunday was a chore. The sermon was not so much about teaching how to live a good life but lecturing on how bad we were. It was not a teaching experience it was someone on the pulpit lecturing you on how bad of a human being you are. The other thing I find incredibly appealing is the fact that Judaism is so forgiving and welcoming. You are held accountable for your actions but if you put the work into asking for forgiveness it will be granted to you by God and by the people you have wronged.
Question Four: At this time, the following most disappoints me or disturbs me about Judaism. At this point in my journey there is nothing tangible that I can say disturbs me but as my journey progresses I will update this question. The only thing for me and it is an intangible and I have no specific examples is the fact that for a religion to have such a community there seems to be a lot of separation.
Question Five: I am here because after wandering through life for 44 years I finally found what I was looking for and missing in my life. I found a community, a spiritual path, an environment to learn and continue to learn but most of all I found my anchor and strengthened my belief in God! I was not lucky enough to be born Jewish but I am lucky enough to be able to choose to be a Jew and know that it is what I want deep in my heart. I have to work at it, earn it and at the end of the day, or in this case the end of the conversion process, I know I will be a better person and have a stronger faith in God and in myself
Sunday, September 25, 2011
The High Holy Days
Well as my journey continues we are fast approaching the High Holy Days with Rosh Hashana being the first one. It is the Head of the New Year or the New Year for the Jewish calander. It is a celebration from the stand point that you get together with friends and family and you eat apples and honey to ensure that everyone has a sweet new year but it is also a point where you reflect on the previous year and on how you chose to live your life in that year. One has to correct the wrongs they have done that they have not corrected previously between now and Yom Kippur.
Last night 26 Elul, 5771 I was lucky enough to get to go to my first community selichot. It started with some sweets and socializing followed by a choice of a class that was taught by the area rabbi's and then the service. The class I took was about healing pain through writing, reading poems, journaling. I chose that class because it was taught by my rabbi sponsor and because it sounded the most interesting given my knowledge of the jewish religion. We did a spiritual assessment or Matzav Ruhi which I found very difficult so early in my journey but then we read two poems and discussed them. The first was "How it crowds out all the good things of life" by Merle Feld. It is about the sudden passing of her brother and her pain and all i could think about was my mom and how she suffered and how i still to this day suffer with not having her around to love, to talk to, to encourage, to be encouraged by. The poem really hit home for me and then after some discussion we had to journal about it and i wrote about the pain of losing my mom and i just wanted to leave the room for a bit and cry but finding the pain and confronting it is the way that it will become manageable. We also discussed how the jewish cycle gives you a year to grieve and how much of that year is just a shock and it is not till after that year you can really start to process and talk about it and by then no one is there for you. It was a really disheartening feeling that all these people are out there alone suffering most probably just needing someone to talk to and help them manage their pain. As we were told we should not try to take away their pain just help them manage it and that concept really hit home with me. The pain is part of who we become it is part of us and to take it away is to take away part of me and i want all those experiences to form the fabric of who i am today and who i will become tomorrow.
I can not begin to describe the emmotions i had in the service. You were so uplifted on moment and then you just wanted to cry. You experienced all of your emmotions through song and prayer. The communities torahs covers were changed to white and i thought nothing of it while we learned about it in class but it was amazing to watch. The torahs were all given a fresh start just as we are at this time of year and to be able to experience that with the community was such an honor and just another positive reason that i want that i need to go on this spiritual journey. This is going to be a tough journey with a lot of soul searching but so far it has been a wonderful thing for me. I know my mom would be very happy for me that i found a place that made me feel at home and i know she would be just as excited for my journey as i am and i know that even though i miss her the pain i feel every day is a reminder that i am alive and i need to be thankful for all that has been given to me and to continue to learn and to grow as a person.
So to you i would like to wish you a very happy and sweet new year, Shana Tov!
Last night 26 Elul, 5771 I was lucky enough to get to go to my first community selichot. It started with some sweets and socializing followed by a choice of a class that was taught by the area rabbi's and then the service. The class I took was about healing pain through writing, reading poems, journaling. I chose that class because it was taught by my rabbi sponsor and because it sounded the most interesting given my knowledge of the jewish religion. We did a spiritual assessment or Matzav Ruhi which I found very difficult so early in my journey but then we read two poems and discussed them. The first was "How it crowds out all the good things of life" by Merle Feld. It is about the sudden passing of her brother and her pain and all i could think about was my mom and how she suffered and how i still to this day suffer with not having her around to love, to talk to, to encourage, to be encouraged by. The poem really hit home for me and then after some discussion we had to journal about it and i wrote about the pain of losing my mom and i just wanted to leave the room for a bit and cry but finding the pain and confronting it is the way that it will become manageable. We also discussed how the jewish cycle gives you a year to grieve and how much of that year is just a shock and it is not till after that year you can really start to process and talk about it and by then no one is there for you. It was a really disheartening feeling that all these people are out there alone suffering most probably just needing someone to talk to and help them manage their pain. As we were told we should not try to take away their pain just help them manage it and that concept really hit home with me. The pain is part of who we become it is part of us and to take it away is to take away part of me and i want all those experiences to form the fabric of who i am today and who i will become tomorrow.
I can not begin to describe the emmotions i had in the service. You were so uplifted on moment and then you just wanted to cry. You experienced all of your emmotions through song and prayer. The communities torahs covers were changed to white and i thought nothing of it while we learned about it in class but it was amazing to watch. The torahs were all given a fresh start just as we are at this time of year and to be able to experience that with the community was such an honor and just another positive reason that i want that i need to go on this spiritual journey. This is going to be a tough journey with a lot of soul searching but so far it has been a wonderful thing for me. I know my mom would be very happy for me that i found a place that made me feel at home and i know she would be just as excited for my journey as i am and i know that even though i miss her the pain i feel every day is a reminder that i am alive and i need to be thankful for all that has been given to me and to continue to learn and to grow as a person.
So to you i would like to wish you a very happy and sweet new year, Shana Tov!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
A little background
Let me introduce myself, my name is David and I am going to be taking you on my journey as I convert to Judaism. I was raised reorganized latter day saint and never really felt at home there or comfortable in my skin there so I only went to church because my grandmother wanted me to. The teachings never spoke to me so my faith was very lacking but dont get me wrong i am a very spiritual person was just not a fan of the organized religion.
My partner and i moved to kansas city in 2001 when he got a teaching job here at the jewish day school. He went to the bar and bat mitzvahs and i did my own thing. He had work friends here and they became my friends too and then they became our framily (friends and family) and a wonderful support system. I settled into the role of the non jew and welcomed celebrating the holidays with my framily and enjoyed learning the reasons behind them but never felt the need to convert.
That all changed! Danny spent 3 weeks in Israel last summer (2010) and you could tell how home sick he was for it. Then I decided that i needed and wanted to convert to get that feeling that i was missing. Then this past summer (2011) I got the most amazing gift a human being could ever want. Danny's dad and mom who over the 11 years have become my dad and mom took the family on vacation! All 11 of us met up in Israel, well 7 of them live there but that isnt the point. I got to go to Israel! I can not even begin to explain the emotions that went through me in preparation for my journey to what is now in my heart home. The packing, the buying of books for the long plane ride, the excitement of going someplace new. When the plane landed at Ben-Gurion airport in Israel everyone clapped for joy and i felt it as well. I walked off the plane for what seemed like eternity and the whole time thinking I am home. I was tired and so very energized and wanted to go go go! I was the last family member to arrive and could not wait to seem them all again, for the members that live in Israel it had been 3 years + since i had seen them and I missed seeing my nephew and my nieces! I was so happy to get to them all and hug everyone and just sit and talk, even though they are all fluent in hebrew and would slip into it on occasion it didnt matter because i was in Israel with my family.
The next two weeks were amazing! Danny and I went to so many wonderful places and saw so many amazing things and as each day passed I knew this was and will always be home in my heart. I am crying just thinking about it and how much i miss being there. There were so many beautiful places there so many spiritual places there i was sad, happy, in awe it was just a very emotional two weeks for sure. I only have one well actually two regrets from that trip. The first regret is that i was never able to take my mother to visit Israel because she had always wanted to go but she passed away from cancer but I know she was with me in spirit and was as much in awe as i was. The second is we never made it to Masada which is one place my mom always wanted to go. We will go and we will climb to the top to watch the sun rise and i will say a prayer on top of Masada for my mom next time I am there.
But back to my journey. So now i am back in kansas city and needing and wanting to convert what does a person do. I called a rabbi at the synagogue where danny teaches and she gave me some information on the community conversion class and it actually started that week. Rabbi Harris and i scheduled an appointment to meet in a couple of weeks and i went to class. If it is at all possible after talking with Rabbi Harris i was even more energized and excited about my journey and looking forward to the work and the learning and the homework! I am really starting to feel alive again in my soul!
The classes are wonderful. we have learned about the high holy days that are fast approaching and the history and the reasons for them. the class is quiet, including myself, but i am sure we will start speaking out more as we get more comfortable. We travel to most of the synagogues here and our speakers are the rabbis from the community so it is very well rounded.
Danny and i go very regularly to shabbat services on friday night at congregation beth torah and i look forward to it all week. to me there is no better way to end the work week then with a wonderful service with song, prayer and learning from the torah and doing it all with a wonderful community of people! thank you to them all for making me feel so welcome there.
Thank you for joining me on my journey!
David
My partner and i moved to kansas city in 2001 when he got a teaching job here at the jewish day school. He went to the bar and bat mitzvahs and i did my own thing. He had work friends here and they became my friends too and then they became our framily (friends and family) and a wonderful support system. I settled into the role of the non jew and welcomed celebrating the holidays with my framily and enjoyed learning the reasons behind them but never felt the need to convert.
That all changed! Danny spent 3 weeks in Israel last summer (2010) and you could tell how home sick he was for it. Then I decided that i needed and wanted to convert to get that feeling that i was missing. Then this past summer (2011) I got the most amazing gift a human being could ever want. Danny's dad and mom who over the 11 years have become my dad and mom took the family on vacation! All 11 of us met up in Israel, well 7 of them live there but that isnt the point. I got to go to Israel! I can not even begin to explain the emotions that went through me in preparation for my journey to what is now in my heart home. The packing, the buying of books for the long plane ride, the excitement of going someplace new. When the plane landed at Ben-Gurion airport in Israel everyone clapped for joy and i felt it as well. I walked off the plane for what seemed like eternity and the whole time thinking I am home. I was tired and so very energized and wanted to go go go! I was the last family member to arrive and could not wait to seem them all again, for the members that live in Israel it had been 3 years + since i had seen them and I missed seeing my nephew and my nieces! I was so happy to get to them all and hug everyone and just sit and talk, even though they are all fluent in hebrew and would slip into it on occasion it didnt matter because i was in Israel with my family.
The next two weeks were amazing! Danny and I went to so many wonderful places and saw so many amazing things and as each day passed I knew this was and will always be home in my heart. I am crying just thinking about it and how much i miss being there. There were so many beautiful places there so many spiritual places there i was sad, happy, in awe it was just a very emotional two weeks for sure. I only have one well actually two regrets from that trip. The first regret is that i was never able to take my mother to visit Israel because she had always wanted to go but she passed away from cancer but I know she was with me in spirit and was as much in awe as i was. The second is we never made it to Masada which is one place my mom always wanted to go. We will go and we will climb to the top to watch the sun rise and i will say a prayer on top of Masada for my mom next time I am there.
But back to my journey. So now i am back in kansas city and needing and wanting to convert what does a person do. I called a rabbi at the synagogue where danny teaches and she gave me some information on the community conversion class and it actually started that week. Rabbi Harris and i scheduled an appointment to meet in a couple of weeks and i went to class. If it is at all possible after talking with Rabbi Harris i was even more energized and excited about my journey and looking forward to the work and the learning and the homework! I am really starting to feel alive again in my soul!
The classes are wonderful. we have learned about the high holy days that are fast approaching and the history and the reasons for them. the class is quiet, including myself, but i am sure we will start speaking out more as we get more comfortable. We travel to most of the synagogues here and our speakers are the rabbis from the community so it is very well rounded.
Danny and i go very regularly to shabbat services on friday night at congregation beth torah and i look forward to it all week. to me there is no better way to end the work week then with a wonderful service with song, prayer and learning from the torah and doing it all with a wonderful community of people! thank you to them all for making me feel so welcome there.
Thank you for joining me on my journey!
David
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