Well as my journey continues we are fast approaching the High Holy Days with Rosh Hashana being the first one. It is the Head of the New Year or the New Year for the Jewish calander. It is a celebration from the stand point that you get together with friends and family and you eat apples and honey to ensure that everyone has a sweet new year but it is also a point where you reflect on the previous year and on how you chose to live your life in that year. One has to correct the wrongs they have done that they have not corrected previously between now and Yom Kippur.
Last night 26 Elul, 5771 I was lucky enough to get to go to my first community selichot. It started with some sweets and socializing followed by a choice of a class that was taught by the area rabbi's and then the service. The class I took was about healing pain through writing, reading poems, journaling. I chose that class because it was taught by my rabbi sponsor and because it sounded the most interesting given my knowledge of the jewish religion. We did a spiritual assessment or Matzav Ruhi which I found very difficult so early in my journey but then we read two poems and discussed them. The first was "How it crowds out all the good things of life" by Merle Feld. It is about the sudden passing of her brother and her pain and all i could think about was my mom and how she suffered and how i still to this day suffer with not having her around to love, to talk to, to encourage, to be encouraged by. The poem really hit home for me and then after some discussion we had to journal about it and i wrote about the pain of losing my mom and i just wanted to leave the room for a bit and cry but finding the pain and confronting it is the way that it will become manageable. We also discussed how the jewish cycle gives you a year to grieve and how much of that year is just a shock and it is not till after that year you can really start to process and talk about it and by then no one is there for you. It was a really disheartening feeling that all these people are out there alone suffering most probably just needing someone to talk to and help them manage their pain. As we were told we should not try to take away their pain just help them manage it and that concept really hit home with me. The pain is part of who we become it is part of us and to take it away is to take away part of me and i want all those experiences to form the fabric of who i am today and who i will become tomorrow.
I can not begin to describe the emmotions i had in the service. You were so uplifted on moment and then you just wanted to cry. You experienced all of your emmotions through song and prayer. The communities torahs covers were changed to white and i thought nothing of it while we learned about it in class but it was amazing to watch. The torahs were all given a fresh start just as we are at this time of year and to be able to experience that with the community was such an honor and just another positive reason that i want that i need to go on this spiritual journey. This is going to be a tough journey with a lot of soul searching but so far it has been a wonderful thing for me. I know my mom would be very happy for me that i found a place that made me feel at home and i know she would be just as excited for my journey as i am and i know that even though i miss her the pain i feel every day is a reminder that i am alive and i need to be thankful for all that has been given to me and to continue to learn and to grow as a person.
So to you i would like to wish you a very happy and sweet new year, Shana Tov!
No comments:
Post a Comment